


BALADAS '71

by nuka_cherries



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Kaz, Crushes, Fix It, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Inspired by Fanfiction, Kaz Knows The Truth And He's Pretty Mad About It, Latin American Music, M/M, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, Mutual Pining, My First Work in This Fandom, Ocelot Knows The Truth But Acts Like He Doesn't Know Anything, Stolen Cassette Tapes As Courtship, Venom Knows The Truth And He's Just Like "I Guess", from idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26080897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuka_cherries/pseuds/nuka_cherries
Summary: “You know, one day, we will have to tell Ocelot we know what we know,” Venom said.‘We’, being Kaz and Venom Snake, who used to be MSF Chief Medic Laureano Villalobos, who after plastic surgery and incomplete hypnotherapy and memory transfer was now Venom “Punished” Snake. The leader of Diamond Dogs. The Phantom of Big Boss, the Boss, the Legend.While the Boss was doing who knows what that obviously Ocelot knew, but pretended he didn't. But neither did Venom or Kaz.It was a repeated phrase between the two, and Kaz knew he knew what his reply always was.“I’ll do that when he tells us first,” Kaz said.
Relationships: Kazuhira Miller/Venom Snake
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	BALADAS '71

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SkazuhiraMiller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkazuhiraMiller/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Mixed Tapes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12308889) by [SkazuhiraMiller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkazuhiraMiller/pseuds/SkazuhiraMiller). 



> A/N: Inspired by my dear friend @SkazuhiraMiller / @JudgementKinsey’s iconic Mixed Tapes fic. Please read it if you haven't already!! It's amazing and hilarious!! -keanu reeves pose- Kinsey, this one is for you!! 
> 
> There's a major lack of Latinx music in the games, despite it being y'know, Costa Rica and Colombia for a few nuclear hot minutes. And well, seeing that I am Latinx and Latin American music is, cien porciento, my SHIT, I have to fix that. On God, I CAN FIX THAT!!!
> 
> I have a functioning stereo and I also found my dad's cassette collection of Latin America music from the 70s, 80s and 90s. So, research also got nostalgic and I am...enlightened. I will make a playlist and update it as I go!
> 
> Basically, a story about cassette tapes and courtship. And an excuse to share music from my culture. So that's always fun!
> 
> Enjoy!

Kaz could tell the bullshit right from the start.

They both know, but Ocelot doesn't know they both know.

Venom had a duty to his men, to Kaz, to Diamond Dogs. To walk away now and leave them vulnerable to an attack...he couldn’t do it.

Kaz wanted to be angry. He was angry. Infuriated. Pissed. Betrayed. Every word in the book, every slap in the universe coming at once.

So, if Kaz had decided to make life a little more hellish than usual for Ocelot, well, who was he to say it? Ocelot couldn't say it, not out loud and risk exposing John's secret to an “unsuspecting” Venom.

So, they pivoted.

Life went on in Mother Base, the sun rising and setting and the ocean tide along with it. The missions came in fast, as did the paychecks, as did the rewards for just being so damn good.

Life continued living in apparent ignorance but liking to catch Ocelot off guard. It was fun. It was petty. It was cathartic. It was the least they could do in the circumstances of being shoved into this unfair, selfish situation.

Such as now.

“Hey Kaz, how's my patient?” Venom asked.

He heard a slight choking noise from Ocelot.

“The lamb is doing just fine,” Kaz said, and Venom could hear the smile and could practically see how hard he was restraining himself from laughing. “You were smart in splinting her leg and bringing her to the chopper. She’s going to make a speedy recovery.”

Venom had extracted a little (full grown) lost lamb from Da Wialo Village. The lamb, hilariously enough, guarded by two soldiers, who were then extracted as well. High priority mission.

But the lamb was limping. It was an instinctive decision to break off a few pieces of wood from the battered fence with a quick bend of his bionic hand. The bandages he normally kept for himself worked perfectly for a makeshift splint for her leg.

When Ocelot tentatively asked what he was doing, Venom remarked that he used to do this all the time, “for the dumbasses in MSF who thought their bones were made of steel.” Maybe he was cutting it a little too close for comfort.

But per Kaz, the only one that was in on the fact that he knew that they knew but they didn’t know, Ocelot couldn't breathe the entire time in the mission room. Venom could only laugh.

It was kind of cruel; Ocelot couldn't _prove_ that it was a Big Boss or a Medic thing. Less John, more Laureano. Ocelot couldn't say that it _wasn't_ and say the hypnosis stopped working.

What happens then to all the hard work of keeping the illusion of a living man’s phantom? The Boss, the one that ditched them all.

The watch on his red arm shone out at 23:04 in local Afghanistan time, iDroid weather feature citing mild clouds approaching.

Though visibility was limited, security was always lax at night. Venom pulled out the binoculars, scoping out the small post. Only three Soviet guards; one asleep in the tent, another soldier manning the spotlight at the watchtower and the third one stubbing out a cigarette in an ashtray next to the stereo player. Venom spotted the white band with the telltale sign of a red cross stitched on. A medic.

Then Venom settled the focus on the stereo.

The song was familiar.

He heard a soft gasp that thankfully came from his own earpiece, and not from the guards he was watching.

“Oh my god,” Kaz said. “Is that—”

“California Dreamin’,” Venom said. “I remember this song. Back in Colombia...when Sloth turned thirty-one.”

“I remember too,” Kaz said. “Who’s California Dreamin’ all the way in Afghanistan?”

“You’re telling me,” Venom settled the focus on the stereo. “It’s not from any radio station,” he said. He titled the lens upwards a few centimetres, looking closer at the buttons and make of the stereo. “Stereo setting is on...tape. It’s coming from a cassette tape.”

Silence passed between the transmission. Ocelot said nothing. Kaz said nothing. Venom didn’t say anything.

“Hey Kaz, I got a question,” Venom said.

“What is it?” Kaz asked.

“If a table is on fire, would the radio player explode and damage the cassette in it?”

Ever one to beat him to the punch, Ocelot spoke into the transmission first.

“I mean, I would _think_ so,” Ocelot said. “Cassettes are plastic.”

No shit. Venom rolled his eyes.

“I know the cassette tape by itself would burn,” he said. “But...if it was inside a radio player, would it be protected?”

“I... wouldn’t know the answer to that,” Ocelot said.

Oh, a miracle.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” Venom said as innocent as he could muster.

But he knew better. He knew better. He knew Kaz was going to feel suspicious about his question, and the binoculars focusing on the metal barrel used as a fire.

“Boss, what are you about to do?” Kaz asked.

“Extraction and retrieval.”

“Are you talking about the cassette tape or the soldiers?”

“Yes.”

“Snake, do not set the guard post on fire!”

“In and out,” Venom said calmly. “It’ll be easy.”

“It will be loud. And it will be visible. And then they'll radio their HQ, asking for reinforcements, or worse. A fire extinguisher,” Kaz said. “You can’t risk it.”

“Boss gives the orders, Miller,” Ocelot remarked.

“Oh, you—Shut up, Ocelot!”

“Play nice,” Venom grinned. “I’ll talk to you later—”

_“Snake!”_

He clicked off the transmission and set the iDroid to a lighter. There was a bottle of alcohol on the far away table.

This could totally work.

* * *

Kaz removed his headset, focusing on the screen that had the flight tracker of Pequod’s location to Mother Base. The weather was going to be fair. It would be a smooth flight home.

And Ocelot was staring.

Kaz looked over at him. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“It depends,” Ocelot said. “Will you answer my question?”

_I don’t know, will you stop lying and tell me where John is?_

“It depends,” Kaz repeated. “On what the question entails.”

“Just some curiosity,” Ocelot said. “The comment earlier...So, what happened at Sloth's party?”

“What happens at parties,” Kaz said bluntly. “If you’ve ever been invited to one. And the Boss's birthday past February doesn't count.”

He wondered if Ocelot could tell that he only referred to Snake as _the_ Boss around him, but not as often over the transmissions. Boss this, Boss that. ‘Which Boss?’ Ocelot would ask. To which, in a perfect world, Kaz would respond with ‘I don’t know, you massive fucking asshole, you tell me. Where's John?’

“Pfft--Of course I’ve been to parties,” Ocelot shuffled some papers. “I know how to party.”

“Sure,” Kaz nodded, not at all convinced. He turned back to the screen.

But Ocelot didn’t let go of the topic. “But what happened on Sloth's birthday?” he asked.

“We had tequila and cake. You wouldn’t want to know the rest.”

“I do,” Ocelot said. “What was the rest?”

“Nothing,” Kaz said. And it was true. Nothing happened. Nothing happened, aside from the most emotionally charged moment of his life that still kept him up at night. “There was a tropical storm that week and the showers flooded. We had to take care of it. Boss almost got electrocuted. Aside from Sloth singing California Dreamin’ and missing every word, us seeing the Boss trip over his own two feet, nothing happened.”

A monitor alerted to the arrival of three Soviet soldiers by Fulton.

The cool composure cracked.

Kaz slapped his hand against the desk.

_“Motherfucker!”_

And Ocelot began laughing. He left, still laughing.

And to his own credit, Kaz didn't radio Venom to chew him out on the spot.

* * *

Kaz never waited at the platform for Venom to arrive. Kaz was busy. He always was. He had a base to run. He had shit to do. He didn't commit fucking arson.

He would find Venom later, in his quarters. Or he would find him in the dark room, developing photos of recent recon, of a beautiful sunset or daybreak he managed to capture on the film camera. Or DD. He loved taking pictures of DD.

But this time was different. It wasn’t like he was looking _forward_ to seeing Snake come back.

He was gonna chew out their Boss. No, he had not been anxiously looking at the clock waiting for him to come back in between every page report he filled out and stamped.

Venom had suspiciously gone silent after the innocuous cassette being on fire question. And yet, three soldiers landed in the brig, with the predictable shock and motion sickness, then evaluated and cheerfully assigned to different platforms. It wasn’t bad of an outcome; two nurses were added to Medical, as was a Russian-Arabic-English translator to Intel.

He noted the surprise in a few of the recruits of seeing him, hastily snapping into a perfect form and saluting with a loud and firm, “Commander Miller!”

“Good afternoon,” he said curtly.

The familiar chorus of Everybody Wants to Rule the World rang out in the chopper speakers, all irony in the song and upbeat lyrics to the work of their operation.

And out of the chopper came Venom. Kaz watched as DD waited for Venom to step down first, movements slow to the adjustment of being back on the ground.

DD jumped out, tail wagging and excitement of being back. He looked fine, no visible injuries or scrapes. Kaz knew that Venom would toss himself into the gunfire if it meant that DD would be kept safe, and he had done it too. Again and again.

But Venom looked _disgusting._

Kaz observed the soot that stuck to Venom’s fatigues. A lack of blood, thankfully. It was always good seeing Venom without blood and without wounds. Yet, the mess was so bad that it looked like he had crawled through and cleaned every chimney in the world. Beige fatigues and scarf turned to ashen black and grey. And assorted sand.

But the soot was all the evidence that Kaz needed for the conclusion he already knew.

Venom set the command post on fire. The son of a bitch set it on _fucking_ fire. The soldiers were spared! But the post was set on fucking fire.

“Welcome home, Boss!” the soldiers saluted.

“At ease,” Venom said with a smile. “Good to see you all. How’s the base running?”

“Better now that you’re here.”

He patted the back of DD’s back and said, “Go on. Give ‘em love, DD.”

The command had been taught rather late, but DD learned it faster than anything Ocelot had taught him. Give ‘em love and two pats on his head meant DD was dismissed, and free to be petted by any of the Mother Base soldiers that wished to do so.

DD happily barked and went to the quartet of soldiers, who gleefully petted him and scratched his head.

Pequod followed from the chopper. He took off his helmet, the sea breeze going through his sweaty hair. He let out a long, yet relieved sigh.

“Base sweet base!” he proclaimed, voice clear and happy.

“Thanks again for bringing us back safe,” Venom grinned.

“Always, jefe,” Pequod raised his fist. Venom happily bumped it with his own, metal against leather. “Now, where the hell is the cleaning crew at?! 'Amonos! Let's clean her up!”

Everyone was all smiles.

Except Kaz.

“Well, this is a surprise,” Venom grinned. “Hey you.”

“Boss,” Kaz greeted curtly, adding the tinge of poison and promise of murder to his voice. He can raise morale easily. He could also kill it. “I take it you cleaned every chimney in Afghanistan.”

“Something like that,” Venom said. “Do you want to guess what I found?”

“...What could it possibly be, Venom Snake?” Kaz asked flatly.

Yet, the Boss wasn’t deterred. Instead, he reached into his pocket...

“You didn’t,” Kaz threatened.

...Only for Venom to hold up an intact cassette tape between two red bionic fingers.

“I did,” Venom said.

“Snake!” Kaz exclaimed. “Come on!”

Venom laughed out loud, a rare sight that even some soldiers balked at. The sunlight caught in his eye, shine almost matching the blue of the sea.

“Damn it! I—” Kaz grimaced. “— _Ugh!_ I shouldn’t be so surprised. I knew you would do it!”

“I had to make it look like an unfortunate accident,” Venom said. “And we got two accredited nurses and a talented translator in our growing family. The ends justify the means.”

Kaz felt something at his heart stir at the phrasing. _Our._ But no. He was mad, damn it.

“It would crush their hearts, knowing the only reason they’re here is not because the _legendary_ Big Boss sees potential in them to work for something better. No, the only reason they’re here is because of Big Boss committing _arson_ to steal a _cassette_ tape,” Kaz said. “Tell me, how many of our soldiers are here because you spotted a fucking cassette tape, stole it and felt bad about killing them so you extracted them instead?”

Venom exhaled. “Oh, you don’t wanna know.”

Maybe the Boss’ hidden agenda wasn’t in creating a new nation. Maybe it’s just theft, stealing music cassettes from Soviet outposts throughout Afghanistan.

“My kingdom for a horse...Our Mother Base for a mixtape.”

“You’re really taking this to heart, Kaz.”

“It would lower morale.”

“I think the only one who’s morale is lowered is you.”

Kaz looked around, making sure that Ocelot wasn’t nearby.

“Speaking of low,” Kaz said. “That ‘how’s my patient’ bit?

“It was necessary,” Venom said nonchalantly. “I needed to know how my patient was doing.”

“It was _mean_ ,” Kaz swatted at Venom's leg with his cane. Yet he was smiling. “We’re trying not to spill the beans here. I’m surprised you didn’t hear Ocelot’s blood pressure drop over the transmission.”

“Is that what that was?” Venom asked. “I thought it was my earpiece shorting out.”

 _“Venom—_ ” Kaz began to laugh. “And you call me petty.”

“You know, one day, we will have to tell Ocelot we know what we know,” Venom said.

‘We’, being Kaz and Venom Snake, who used to be MSF Chief Medic Laureano Villalobos, who after plastic surgery and incomplete hypnotherapy and memory transfer was now Venom “Punished” Snake. The leader of Diamond Dogs. The Phantom of Big Boss, _the_ Boss, the _Legend._

While the Boss was doing who knows what—something that obviously Ocelot knew, but pretended he didn't. But neither did Venom or Kaz.

It was a repeated phrase between the two, and Kaz knew he knew what his reply always was. 

“I’ll do that when he tells us first,” Kaz said. “That fake Texan bastard should have communicated this messy conspiracy in the first place, anyway.”

“That’s kind of petty,” Venom said.

And of course, _he_ would think so. He, _Lau_ , who was the nicest guy there was back in their group. Lau who had a heart of gold and had too much empathy and too much patience for everyone.

“Snake, he’s an expert on torture and interrogation and dresses like a cowboy,” he continued to walk alongside Venom. “So, I think he’ll sleep at night just fine.”

“Cut him a little slack, Kaz,” Venom said. “It’s not the best circumstances for anyone. But we’re making the best of this,” he gestured idly at the base. “Take the high ground. It’s not like he _chose_ to not know about this.”

“A choice...Wonder what that must feel like,” Kaz said. “Like you choosing to commit arson.”

Venom laughed again and continued walking down the platform to his quarters.

“Be nice,” Venom said.

“Nice?! I am nice! I’ve always been nice! I’m the nicest person on this damn base. I’m honestly appalled at the fact you're implying that I’m mean.”

“Kaz.”

“What?”

“Check your pocket.”

Kaz glanced down, explanation halted. He reached to his open pocket, one that he didn't remember putting anything in it.

And the pulled out a cassette tape.

True to Venom's point, it was intact and spotless from the ashes of the arson.

_He...._

Kaz sighed.

“Happy birthday, Kaz.”

“It’s not my birthday.”

“Then happy Tuesday.”

“It's not Tuesday.”

“Then happy day,” Venom waved over his shoulder. “I'll see you in debrief!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope y'all enjoyed this as much as I did.


End file.
